Perhaps I should start at the end, Dick has 18 welts. Yeah, I got to shoot my boss.
It was a friday like any other, I arrived at work at 1:30pm to find myself in a company meeting, ate some Sicilian meatloaf, then hopped into cars with the rest of the Sxip employees and drove off to a paintball field 40 minutes out of the city.
There was some controversy over Dick’s choice to arm himself with a superior weapon, but I think it was completely fair, after all, he is the boss. Look, if Steve Jobs took all of Apple out to play paintball with him, would you blame the guy if he had a fully automatic rig that he had to haul out to the field? The guy is the CEO, everybody is aiming for him. It’s not that they have to dislike him, but one simply does not get that many chances to open fire on one’s boss. Needless to say, even if Jobs had a mech assault vehicle fully equipped with paintball cannons, the Apple employees would soon overrun it, tear it apart with their bare hands, and pelt the man with paintballs until his skin turned pink. And so it was with Dick.
Dick was the most experienced among us, and our team contained two men with military training (Bogdan and Lucian), so I was feeling pretty confident. At least, until it all turned ugly at the end in the “use up the rest of our ammo free-for-all” round. My initial partner for the round, Craig, and I made a very poor choice and positioned ourselves between Dick and the two men with military training. We ran, ducked, and dove through the onslaught of pink-and-black balls of death aiming unerringly towards our tender, tender bodily organs, but it was no use, that battle was not ours to win.
It wasn’t until a little bit later when I re-entered the killing fields solo, with only 8 rounds to my name, did my chance for righteous employee justice manifest itself. I made it to the far side of the field, using 3 rounds on Ben along the way, and was just making my way behind a tree when I saw our fearless leader comin’ round the bend. I leapt from my hiding place as he came into range, unleashing the full fury of my last few rounds at my CEO’s imposing frame. Unfortunately, the paintballs did not choose to share their pink goodness with his overalls and bounced to the floor harmlessly, at which point he opened fire and lit up my every exposed appendage with the pain of defeat. But it was worth every second.
So, thanks Dick, that kicked ass.