My Ideal Fight

Whenever I am walking home form work, I am usually crossing a street after the walk light has changed to green and a car coming from the other direction (towards me in the lane nearest me) decides it wants to make a right turn before I get across the intersection. Frequently, it tries to beat me to the space I am about to walk through, narrowly avoiding hitting me in the process. Every time that happens, a little scenario flashes through my head.

-insert fuzzy dream edges and flashback jingle-

Me: –smashes the guys rear driver side window with the Bawls bottle in my right hand and begins to walk around the rear of the car

Guy: –stops car, and gets out– What the fuck do you think you are doing?

Me: –takes off headphones with Mindless Self Indulgence playing– Smashing your window, asshole, now get back in your car before I smash another.

Guy: Fuck you kid, you’re going to pay for that.

Me: -smashes Guy’s rear window and starts to put on headphones-

Guy: Hey asshole, fuck you. You think you can take me?

Me: –stops putting on headphones– Do you think I’d be smashing your windows if I didn’t? –starts to walk away again

Guy: –grabs my shoulder

Me: –smashes him in the face with the Bawls bottle (these things don’t break on anything)

Guy: –looks at blood on his hand from his nose and at a confident Me, then gets back in his car and drives off

Me: –walks away, putting on headphones

-end fuzzy dream edges-

4 thoughts on “My Ideal Fight

  1. i’ve thought similar thoughts. of course, last time i actually got hit i kicked the cunt’s car. then she yelled at me like it was MY fault that i was walking in the cross walk when SHE had the red light. i wanted to kick her face.

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