Bad Motherfucker Redux

A friend, Craig brought up an interesting point in relation to my previous post, “Andy, Motherfucker”, that in reality one would rather be a “bad motherfucker” than simply a “motherfucker,” so it may be in my best interests to be known as “andy, bad motherfucker.” A search for that, at the moment, brings up a lot of Pulp Fiction references, but you know, Sammy J and I go way back.

Therefore, in the interest of gaining street cred as a bad motherfucker, I will explain what it means to be a bad motherfucker.

The first step to bad-motherfuckerdom, obviously, is to be Samuel L. Jackson. Now, I realize that for a lot of us that would appear to be quite difficult, but here are a couple easy guidelines in the likely event that you are not, in fact, Samuel L. Jackson:

  • When you sip your soda through a straw, make sure you place your index finger near the top, and point the straw towards your lip. Your head does not move for the straw, as that would imply that you bend yourself to others, an action which a bad motherfucker would never take. Nay, my friend, that straw bends for your bad motherfuckin’ ass.
  • Speak slowly, make people wait for you to consider the baddest way to say whatever might be coming through your head. This works especially well if what you are saying is an insult to the person you are saying it to, making somebody wait just to get insulted is ultimate bad motherfuckerness.
  • Should you happen to ever speak quickly, make sure somebody in the room feels intense pain. This not only makes people fear pain from your presence, but also has the bonus effect of making everybody pamper you to prevent you from raising your voice.

Following those simple rules, I guarantee an increase of at least 20% to your bad motherfucker rating within 6 weeks.

Tags: [tag:motherfucker]

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